I have these card contests with my friend and fellow artist, Crystal de la Torre, on certain holidays. This past weekend we exchanged for Halloween/ Day of the Dead. So naturally, my card had a poem I wrote about a masturbating witch. I came up with the idea on a long drive from San Luis Obispo, it might of been the 101 highway scenery or my perverted sense of humor that fueled inspiration for this idea. So here is the illustration I made along with the poem. Hope you guys like it. I'll post a picture of my actual card later. (Warning: Sexually suggestive humor)9696 W. Pioneer
A lowly able woman by day,
who claims to be a 20 year divorcée.
Her laughter sounds like shrill screams to your ear,
she’s the peculiar old woman from 9696 W. Pioneer.
But I know the obvious and bitter truth,
she’s a wicked witch with a broom in her cooch!
In the mornings I see her use it with great rigor and force,
her front porch gets messy by leaves from the golf course.
At lunch, she leans it out back and gives it a rest,
because in the evening she washes it to look its very best.
At night, when all the craziness begins,
light and smoke from her house get carried by northerly winds.
Her laughter begins, first as pleasure and joy,
Then a crazy evil scream, followed by silence…oh boy.
She flies out her window, wailing so mad,
the tassels from her torn dress weren't so bad.
Until I look up and see, a broom coming from between her thighs;
but I have no idea where the other end lies.
No bristles come out from the rear of the dress,
I’m afraid of where it hides, but my mind can’t repress:
How a broom of that size, made of straw in a batch,
can fit entirely in this old witchy woman’s snatch?!
Have a Happy Halloween!
